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I hate my birthday. But it’s a good time to wrap up the year

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rebirth, stroke anniversary, hospitalEvery year on 3rd of January I wake up in an extremely bad mood which doesn’t leave me until midnight. Typical birthday blues. I try to have a full agenda, but this year… I had a migraine again. Vomited in the medical laboratory, the world was more painful than usual.

However, my birthday is the perfect time to share with you successes and failures of 2017. I’m gonna use numbers.

My first hero is 2:

  • 2 amazing months: July and November, when I felt well. They were full of joy, warmth and peace. Sources of their awesomeness were very different from each other but in the end, I spent two months almost without pain and depression, cherishing normal life
  • For the past two months, I haven’t been rehabilitating myself and exercising. I can’t explain it. It’s about being extremely busy and extremely lazy.
  • I started doing two cool things. I opened my business an started volunteering for poor people and against food waste. Shop gave my unemployed life bit of meaning, work for less fortunate made my need of helping others less meaningless.
  • Two things I’m actually proud of: my Lewaczka.pl blog (this one too;p) and first money earned since the stroke.
  • Two job offers. Nothing worked out of it, I have no clue why, but still: someone believed in me enough to offer me a place in his team.
  • Two brilliant blog entries from a guest star:) In Polish only, sorry!;)

12:

  • Pills I’m taking daily,
  • months since last birthday blues,
  • months till my 30th birthday

3:

  • three new diagnoses. Lupus: most likely I’ve been living with it for the past 10-15 years, not knowing about it, carotid artery dissection – could be the cause of strokes. Lupus, dissection, hole in my heart, I have many things to choose from;)
  • three hospitals I was admitted. All three admissions were planned.
  • For the third time, I was guaranteed social security money. Yay. I’m kind of covered till September.
  • 3 amazing trips. Denmark with a friend, Cyprus with family, Emirates for NCD Alliance conference... All of them were really great. Denmark was like completing lifelong dream, Cyprus nice time with my beloved people, Emirates: oh wow, it was my blog-wise achievement. Big one. I can’t stress enough how I enjoyed the time there.

1:

  • neurolupus, new kind of lupus thrown into my face. It’s about to be confirmed, now I imagine it as a little worm eating my brain and leaving me with depression, dementia and meaningless life,
  • one participation in an event of a big importance;)  well, at least for sick people,
  • new, brilliant psychotherapist,
  • one physiotherapist who has left me for the man. But I can’t be upset about it. I wish her best of luck with him, they deserve perfect life:)
  • One pronouncement saying that I’m disabled. It’s official. It’s good. It gives me a discount for a train. Twice a year;)
  • One magazine cover my face was on. I’m a cover girl;p
  • One sport I started to practice. I’m lousy. But Olympic games are once every 4 years, no worries here;)
  • Foreigner, I’m helping in settling here. He’s a friend and we are very happy to see his life easier from time to time.
  • Epilepsy attack. unexpected. Adding two years to my auto-ban;) (do not mistake with autobahn;p I mean I’m banned from driving for 2 additional years).
  • Website about spasticity I’ve consulted,
  • Day of the retired people I was celebrating,
  • the brother whom I love. But my love starts to be conditional. I don’t love him that much when he puts glass full of water on my back.

15:

  • kilos I’ve lost,

million:

  • of series that I completed,
  • hours in bed,
  • smiles and pleasant things that happened to me,
  • litres of water I drunk,
  • hours of not moving while I should move,
  • interviews I gave. It feels like a million anyway.
  • Minutes of escaping the reality.
  • of good, kind people I have around and I’ve met.

115:

  • texts for my polish blog (!!!). Only…

26

  • texts for an English version of my strokie blog. Poor result.

Zero:

  • of new strokes! None!
  • plans for that years. Many dreams though;)

It was a weird year. Horrible in many ways, but still kept finding reasons to smile. But dear my 29. and dear 2018:

by the way… one of the first songs I learned to play on a guitar. very bad. But for now it’d be perfect. Gotta try!:)

loosing weight loosing weight project my stroke Uncategorized

Lose that weight, Kasia! I’m 15 kilos smaller:)

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I would do (almost) everything to have a better recovery. As we know, there is no ‚magic cure’ for regrowing brain (fingers crossed for stem cells therapy!), we have to just take the best care of what’s remaining and work hard to regain/improve what’s left.

For me, big weight isn’t simply an aesthetic issue, its connected to health and preventing next diseases.

I mean: by obesity may not affect many things, but sooner or later it will.’

So i’m losing weight. 15 kilos so far!:)))))))

you can sing with me. Wow! Wow! Wow!

It’s a hard work, it’s a daily struggle, but the reward is huge. I’m not going to complain then:)

 

Life’s been crazy recently, so I’m bit absent. I think i’m going to be back with you soon.

My Polish blog is doing well, but it’s hard to find time to translate things… Ill try harder. I promise!:)

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I try to relax my left hand

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As you probably know, I have slight spasticity on my left hand. Not big, but it still sucks.

I try to relax it in a totally amateour way, but it doesn’t really work. It was much easier under caring eye of my physiotheraphist. Being lonlier doesn’t benefit, to tell the truth. I admit: my attempts to make my hand loose haven’t been that successful, but attempts to make it more normal visually and funcion better have been working pretty smoothly.

For example: when I’m knitting I’m careful not to clutch my hand too strongly. It makes me knit slower, but, thanks to this, hand DOESN’T HURT. Yaay!

Same thing when I try to knit (I’m struggling to learn, so it’s difficult to relax, yet I try!)

When I type I try not to point forefinger and middle finger into the sky. They are shaking a bit, hurt, but this way they are being accustomed to more „natural” way of behaving. Continue reading

my stroke rehabilitation Uncategorized

What happens to your brain when you exercise?

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This is truely comforting. It’s so important to get to know out brain and impact of exercises.

For these of you who can’t watch the video, i will just give a short resume.

This lady speaks about three great things:

  1. Exercising makes you happier. During working out grows level of for neurotransmiters  (or neurohormons) which are responsible for your mood. You generaly get happier:)
  2. Your attention and concentration improves! Well, many researches prove that.
  3. exercising stimulates producing new cells in hipocamp. Hipocamp is very, very important, as stimulating it is improving our long term memory.

So. Three things so useful for stroke survivors. I believe all of  these:)  If we want to be happy, feel better and focus better, and have better memory,  invite someone for a long walk. Well, tommorow I’m gonna start the day with my x-trainer;)

my stroke Uncategorized

how much does my stroke cost me?

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I need money. as some time ago I wrote about on the topic how our National Health Fund cuts money for stroke treatment and I try to save for  new computer, I think about money quite frequently.

I decided the amounts I’m spending on treatment from my pocket. The information you need first is that I get about 750 zł a month(=ca. 170 EUR=ca.180 USD). It’s a minimal amount you can get from our National Insurance Company for  saving there for a lifetime.

I decided to count my  usual money spent on ‚aroundstroke’ things.

Well, here it goes.

  • My physiotherapist gets 70 zł/h=c.16 EUR=c.17 USD) She comes here twice a week. Not too much, but also not too little. Some physiotherapists in my city demand much more. In some cases hourly rate can be lower. As far as I know my neighbors pay much more for the therapist.

Lets count: 70*4,5(weeks in a month i think)*2= 630PLN=146EUR=157USD

  • my water massage for hand and leg. Both for 7 zł (with a discount. Normally it would cost 14 zł). I go there twice a week.

Lets count: 7*2*2*4,5=126 zł=29EUR=31USD

  • meds I can only estimate cause I  buy bigger cuantities at one time. I mean doctors perscribe sometimes for more than one month. That’s fair.

Lets count: it should be around 100 zł a month=23EUR=25USD

  • But lets count further. Some specialists i see for „free” (public health system), but some I see in private offices. There are nice surprises. Allergist and laryngologist were available publicly and in sensible terms. But there are specialists you have to pay. The waiting line or rheumatologist is just 2 years in my city in public clinic. Not everything is linked closely to strokes. But still, in some way for sure. Like last September I was sitting in hospital, but still i managed to pay for endocrinologist.
  • Lets count: average 130 zł/month i suppose=30EUR=32USD

 

  • and checkups. It’s easy to get referral from the doc for TSH and level of cholesterol once a year, and for tomography twice a year. But for some I have to pay myself.

Lets count: the averagely it would be around 30 zł per month=7EUR=7USD

Together is gives us 1136 zł/month=263 EUR=284. And i get only 750PLN=173 EUR=187USD. 

That sucks big time;) But there is nothing much i can do.

I could sell all my books, but i use my parents, struggling to provide for me. That sucks. And I haven’t counted cost of my brand new nutritionist. which will cost me like 400-500 zł per month. All of it is half of my mom’s salary.

Well, i guess you should be wondering why I don’t wait to get everything publicly. But believe me, it’s impossible. Some things would be possible for sure, but it would extend the time of my recovery or even make my condition worse. I want to go back to work and provide for myself. You know what I  mean.

 

 

my stroke spasticity Uncategorized

I watch spasticity being born

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physioand it’s so weird.

My leg hurts me just a little bit. For the most of time. It’s like bit sore/stiff and doesn’t let me to forget  about leg existance.

My toes (of left leg) are being pretty independent. They go up, as if they had independent life here, completely independent from my brain. And I know for sure that the brain causes this shit. It makes my lower limb be stiff. Be spastic.

Hey, braain! You are hurting me!. Let’s stop this nonsense, leave my feet alone please.

I’m afraid that it’s going to grow.

I’m looking for exercises , maybe stretches. So far I try to remember to have my foot straight on the floor. That the place of toes is on the ground. And not cramped, if you now what I mean… It’s problematic.

Mrs. Magda says i should pray that it doesn’t get worse. But I’m not much of believer and no prayers here. I look for possible solutionss. And become obsessed with left foot.

loosing weight project my stroke rehabilitation Uncategorized

If you want laugh your head off, go for zumba class after stroke

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One psychologist told me once „go to zumba class or play instrument. It’s so useful for synchronising your cerebral  hemispheres”.

Finally I went for this Zumba thing. And once a week I’m synchronising myself.

What is this synchronising thing about? 

As we all know our cerebral hemispheres are responsible for different things (we call it leteralization) Right one is more creative and intuitive, left is more logical and analytic side, it is said. And it is said that our brains function best, we are the smartest, most creative and we fan focus best when our hemispheres are cooperating flawlessly.

even if it’s not an miracle medicine for my issues I think that trying to synchronising my brain can’t do any harm. That’s why I play piano every other day and…. I signed for zumba class 

That is the moment where you can fell from your chair from laughter. Because I feel like that:
mis

when I should feel like that:

balet

Zumba is kind of fitness dance. Energetic and fun. But. While my group goes three steps right, I manage only one and I don’t have time to move arms;p It’s so hilarious. Frequently I must stop and laugh at myself.:D But I hope that it will get better. Remember, practice makes a champion. Step by step. Poco a poco. Maybe finally I will use my hips one day, because so far I’m just one walking (dancing?) stiffness which can’t move two body parts at the same time:)

But I hope it will get better, both my grace and my brain and one day I will be able to work normally, full time. And I will be able to focus on something and dance like this man:

Of course classes are tough for me and for whole day I’m preparing to them by taking rest and obligatory nap just right before class. And after Zumba I don’t do anything, this coordination trening is in a way more demanding for my brain than for body. I rest, watch something and go to sleep. It’s all so tiring. Add the noise (some call it music;p), people and training and you will get the nightmare of every stroke survivor. But this pain brings me joy:)

And you know what? Me, mom and the friend are laughing and have un. We aren’t skinny type (rather opposite) and I’m proud. Of each and every of us. For me it’s because literally month ago I was learning to walk like a human being not a little penguin penguin and had to focus on balance very much. And now I try to dance! And I almost understand Spanish lyrics:))

PS

Of course that i would love zumba help me to loose weight, but i have very little faith that anything except doctor can help me…

my stroke rehabilitation Uncategorized

Running after stroke is possible! At least for me…

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neighbourhood

my running area:)

When one of my hospital’s physiotherapists asked me what I would like achieve with her, I said straight forward: I would like to run again.

She was very surprised. Weird wish for a survivor, who few months back couldn’t walk. Survivor who had just spent few months in hospitals, had countless checkups and had heart procedure, still with a slight hemiparesis of left side, left hand so tense that sometimes it hurts, suddenly dreams of running.

But she believed that I could run again. When we finished normal rehabilitation activities and place of working out was getting empty we started our practice on treadmill. Now i wish, someone had recorded my beginnings. I can’t describe how ridiculous they were. I had like zero coordination, one leg here, one leg there, but treadmill helped. My Mrs. Magda was gradually increasing the speed of the treadmill. I wasn’t allowed to look at the numbers. Slowly, but surly, after few days I was able to walk very fast.

And just few days before being discharged I „run” my first meters. My body had to „catch” the pattern of the movement. Slowly and not far, but I was running! I was so proud of myself.

Of course it was more like slow jog-trot, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care (and still I don’t) that I run more slowly that most people crawl. In the middle of the May, just 5 months I had my moment of glory, I ran 2,2 km (1,64 mi) in 22 minutes, without stopping even for a single second. I was sooo proud of myself.

And thankful for Mrs. Magda and my daddy and brother, who bought me gadgets to enjoy my first runs more. This made me believe, that impossible is nothing. Even for the stroke survivor.