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my stroke Uncategorized

this place I still feel weird about

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toiletWhat demands we usually have toward restroom?

Well, it should be clean and locked. It should give us feeling of intimacy and comfort.

I think my stroke took it these from me forever. It happened in a locked bathroom. Of course I tried to stand up, but all I achieved was hitting my head several times. I think I passed out for a moment, I remember some parts of rescue mission, but not much.

I know that suddenly safe place became something what brings back memories of „almostlosing” life. I have no fear in full meaning of the word, but every single time I come into to bathroom I see myself luriching left, falling down and hitting the wall with my head. For a second i watch the wall to realize that I’m now and here, not then and there, and I’m safe now.

I handle it pretty well, I don’t get paralized. But it’s there every single time, like a shadow over every toilet I go.

my stroke Uncategorized

Does (ischemic) stroke hurt?

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brain in the box

brain in the boxFor a long while I had this question stuck in my head: does stroke hurts?

Up to few months after the stroke I thought it doesn’t. To be precise: I remembered that in hospital I was in a big pain. Everything hurt. Badly. But not head! I had a toothache. My head was in pain in the two places I hit it while standing up attempts. My ass hurt. My arms and legs hurt from all the drips.

But then I spoke to my dad and he told me that I felt terrible pain. I kept asking for pain-killers, I was moaning and I was holding my hand on a head. Not necessarily in a place where I  had hurt myself. And that was last time in my life when my boyfriend seemed to care about me. My mom says that he was sitting next to me and holding hand on my head. And with it I seemed to be more peaceful.

That was all about my swollen brain. It was so swollen that it nearly didn’t fit into my skull.

Somewhere I red that stroke itself doesn’t hurt. But the pain can be one of the symptoms. How crazy is that? Maybe depending on the kind, whether it is ischemic or hemorrhagic. Sudden pain can be one of the symptoms!