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my stroke

It’s first anniversary of my second stroke. I still haven’t made my peace with everything

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Two days ago I had my first rebirthday of my second stroke. Lil’ stroke – it was waaaay smaller than the first one. Lil’ stroke – it hasn’t destroyed every single thing, only slowed down the process of healing, and added some inconveniences.

The stroke that didn’t change my life completely, but showed me, that my life isn’t normal. But who cares: I will work out everything. At least I hope so:)

In some ways, this stroke changed every single thing, in others – nothing. For example, I have like 99% of certitude of the cause of my strokes. I’m not scared and I don’t feel anxiety caused by Uknown.

But I didn’t mean to write about it. I want to express my feeling about living with this shit. I will focus on emotions, which have been a wreck for past few weeks. Or months?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not unhappy. Ironically, I have a feeling that my depression problems got smaller after my strokes. This year I’ve had few pretty well months! Despite that, my emotions have been shaky. Like a swing, the hugest swing in my life. Minor things drive me crazy, mad, sad, or happy, ecstatic, loving… If you know what I mean.

I also think that I haven’t made my peace with all of it. Not really being sick itself – I have an impression that this part I mastered pretty well. I mean that I see clear limitations caused by my stroke. I cry when I speak of things I can’t do. As these are absurdly small, I feel bad about myself.

My favourite example is this about the Nobel Prize. Maybe I mentioned it like 100 times now but I have to mention it in this text too. My dad told me that I will not win the Nobel Prize in literature and suggested an easier category. Continue reading

my stroke stroke survivors Uncategorized

Happy Easter!

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Easter is coming. I want to wish you everything which is good, but that later. If i tell you now, you will not read the important part (( ;

Lately I’ve been spending hours a day talking to one guy;)  Sometimes it even sounds feels like a confession – well, since i don’t go to the church, maybe it’s needed. I talk about problems that I’ve been discussing here for past two years too.

Of course I’m being cautious, why deter someone right away, but still. Strokes, spasticity, hormones, epilepsy, Rheumatology issues, many things in general. Shortages in abilities too.

And after confessing all of it i hear what? ‚It’s ok, you are more than that’.

At first I was left in deep shock. Because 99 percent of reactions are entirely different.

It’s so rare to hear something like that from person who isn’t that involved into your problems for, at least months.

Typical reactions are rather like this:

uno: uncomfortable curiosity. Tell me more, how did you earn that, why don’t you get a job?  

Two: astonishment. So young? Whaaaat? Does it even happen?  

Three: being snooty. Come on, you are healthy already. You are all right. I told you before that you should lead healthier lifestyle.  

There are some more, but come on. These reactions make it difficult to talk about illnesses in general, and make it hard to meet new people.

But sometimes unexpected happens. You are more than this.  

I know i was writing about all these things on my polish blog in the context of working of our wellbeing. But now I see, that there are people who can see us not by separate components, but the sum of them. thats why I’m in the perfect mood, and I’m having great Easter. And my mood affects my family in a really good way.

Now my wishes:

I wish you the happiest Easter time. i wish you that all the cakes would end up on taste buds, not in adipose tissue. I wish you dry Wet Monday (i hate changing clothes several times a day) and good people around, who see the sum, not components. 

my stroke rehabilitation spasticity Uncategorized

Finally! Website about spasticity is here!

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With slight delay I may present you website with complex knowledge about spasticity:

http://lifewithspasticity.com

Right now only in English, but the website is going to be translated to other languages (including Polish, that’s great news for my Polish readers;) The morethe better i guess. I think the site will be available for more than English speakers:)

THE WEBSITE HAD IT’S LAUNCH, BUT WILL BE UPDATED.

For example next questions are waiting to be answered. You may remember that we (me and you, my readers) submitted some questions too.

To tell the truth I’m certain that the website will do many good things researches show people know about spasticity less than they should. Often they don’t even know what they are suffering from. This website is a first place online (I’m certain for like 99,99999999%) that collected important all basic and lot of non-basic data about spasticity. Actually it helped also me, and even before i wouldn’t call myself ignorant in this matter.

As some of you remember, I was Polish member of a board that had a pleasure to consult this spasticity website. Now it’s not only pleasure, now I’m really proud.

I’m somehow convinced that many (not only strokies!) will benefit from this project. This site arms us with weapon necessary to fight this condition:) And I’m not (sadly;ppp) paid to tell this, I really mean it:)

in my opinion my stroke

If you’ve ever thought how stroke feels like… Happy new year!:)

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in my humble opinion stoke is like the worst hangover you can imagine. Which lasts and lasts and lasts for too long…

your are mumbling instead talking

you can’t keep your balance

light and noise are like millions of needles which stick into your soul

this headacheeeeeeeeee

you are so tired

and so poor

world seems to be unfair and full of evil

you can’t control your body

you can’t swallow or you can’t even look at food

But this hangover doesn’t leave you after a day in bed. You have to work hard to mineralize its effects.

I’m writing abut it for few reasons. First: I want you to feel it a bit more. Secondly: I want to express that I’m happy not to have hangovers anymore;p Third thing would be wishing you

to not have any hangover-like symptoms,

I wish you happy 2017. I hope it will be kind, veryyyyy healthy and happy. I hope that you will have like millions of dollars and all institutions will have stay away from you. I hope that 2017  will give you love, joy and friendship. I hope that government will not piss you off, bed will be always warm, and headaches will keep away.

Dear 2016, fuck off. You weren’t too kind for me, for the world also, to tell the truth. Few nice surprises will not recompense me all the diseases and hours of doubts. I’ve just kicked  your butt and i want inform you that my delicious champagne (below) is going to bit you up. Ok, let’s face the truth: 2017 doesn’t have a difficult task to do;)
hello kitty champagne
PS

lately I’ve been whining a bit too much. My first new year’s resolution is to stop it. Good one, isn’t it?

 

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Merry Christmas!

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My dear Friends!

merry christmas;)

For Christmas (or winterholidays)

I wish you:

healthy time

happy time

no argues over the table

no argues at all

loved ones around

disliked ones far away

much money

independency

no strokes

no epilepsy

no headaches

no food poisoning

no stomach ache

no lupus

no throat ache

no aches at all

peaceful time

party time if you want

good weather

snow

or, if prefered no snow

lot of rest

high cognitive skills

no loudness around

nails taken care of by them selves

time for yourself

support and understanding from others

all luck possible

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and everything what’s the best. I really do. With all my heart. Thank you for being with me.