The importance of saying NO. Assertivness after brain stroke

assertive I’ve always had problem with saying ‚no’. The bigger request you have the biggest possibility I will do what you want me to do. If you want me only to move ass to give you something I will have problems. I’m the altruist type I guess. That’s why one of my flat mates used to call me the good lamer (if she knew about last years’s adventures, she would call me the good hiperlamer;)

Now. That was not that good introduction to the topic I’m going to write about, because I’m not going to write about disadvantages of being good-hearted, but about the importance of ability to decline things that come.

Imagine that your family goes for one day trip. You plan to take a car, go for 200 kilometers to the sea. You know that road will be very though, there will be much sun and nowhere to hide, kids will be tired and bored, so there will be no rest for you. And you will come back very late.

Or that you get an invitation for a Christmas party from work

Or your brother asks you for  a help in translations.

Or your dadagain and again asks if you could go together for one concert.

Or someone makes you drink vodka (and you don’t want to drink)

Or, or, or….

I’m not saying that you have to say NO to everything. I just say that you can do it and sometimes it’s better to say NO/Not now/Maybe another time. After stroke you have even more right to think about yourself than about others.  
Me myself I go to parties like once a year. And I have to be assertive when the time of going out comes. There is no way I could stay long hours, till morning or till the end. The noise (it doesn’t have to be techno party, even few persons in the same room are difficult to handle sometimes), chaos… I cant survive for a long time:)  but often I have to put my foot down and despite (sometimes very cute) requests like ‚stay just bit more pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’. I have to go out when before I cross the line after which I regret going to a party/meting.

saying ‚no’ is sometimes easier than calming down the voice in your head filled with remorse. Today for example i said no to my mom when she asked me to go with her and work together and do some shopping. My parents have tiny business they sell dog’s and cat’s food and they drive a lot by a car. I said no, because in a car I feel lousy all the time and I have many things to d. After such trip I would have to sleep for few hours and I wouldn’t finish up them and for sure I wouldn’t be able to exercise. and I wouldn’t enjoy going to theater with mom. But still I feel remorse because mom works and I’m only writing, you know.

Challenges of communication, noise, stress, limited possibilities, slowdown… You have to consider everything before you agree to something. I find it very difficult. Lately I’ve had some bad experiences with things of ‚took’ kind. The walk was too long, the deadline too close, too many things to do over a day… Everything i say i don’t say to convince you that you should become a self-obsessed selfish idiot, but to show that we should consider many things things. It’s always healthier to be able to say ‚no’;) believe me.


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