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my stroke Uncategorized

this place I still feel weird about

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toiletWhat demands we usually have toward restroom?

Well, it should be clean and locked. It should give us feeling of intimacy and comfort.

I think my stroke took it these from me forever. It happened in a locked bathroom. Of course I tried to stand up, but all I achieved was hitting my head several times. I think I passed out for a moment, I remember some parts of rescue mission, but not much.

I know that suddenly safe place became something what brings back memories of „almostlosing” life. I have no fear in full meaning of the word, but every single time I come into to bathroom I see myself luriching left, falling down and hitting the wall with my head. For a second i watch the wall to realize that I’m now and here, not then and there, and I’m safe now.

I handle it pretty well, I don’t get paralized. But it’s there every single time, like a shadow over every toilet I go.

my stroke Uncategorized

When you can’t count on your memory – the beginning

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brain strokeI remember, for example, telling my flatmate about rice on fire. I remember that after being admited to hospital I could just stand up and walk away. I remember feeling pain. It was my stupid tooth. I remember being full of energy and strengh. I also remember being fully awared what was going on.

I don’t remember it well. About rice I could only try to mumble few words which noone could understand. I had left-sided hemiparesis. I wasn’t able to move my left arm or leg. Standing up or even moving a bit on a pillow was impossible. My conciousness was restricted to the word that people kept repeating. „Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke”.

I was 25 and i had a stroke. I really didn’t know what that means. I didn’t know that that ‚stroke thing’ will change my life. for 180 degrees. I was going to find out about it really soon.