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I try to relax my left hand

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As you probably know, I have slight spasticity on my left hand. Not big, but it still sucks.

I try to relax it in a totally amateour way, but it doesn’t really work. It was much easier under caring eye of my physiotheraphist. Being lonlier doesn’t benefit, to tell the truth. I admit: my attempts to make my hand loose haven’t been that successful, but attempts to make it more normal visually and funcion better have been working pretty smoothly.

For example: when I’m knitting I’m careful not to clutch my hand too strongly. It makes me knit slower, but, thanks to this, hand DOESN’T HURT. Yaay!

Same thing when I try to knit (I’m struggling to learn, so it’s difficult to relax, yet I try!)

When I type I try not to point forefinger and middle finger into the sky. They are shaking a bit, hurt, but this way they are being accustomed to more „natural” way of behaving. Continue reading

my stroke

I’ve earned my first money since stroke!

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With my own both hands (even left one, I’m so proud my darling;), with my eyes, and ears and patience.

I knew the price i would pay for that.Headache, millons of naps, nausea.. But i’ve earned my first money since 2 yers and 9 months. I hope that you understand the significance of this event.

Actually it was very little, but it’s not benefit of any kind, but money earned.

I will spend it for pleasures, maybe cocaine or chocolate, or coke zero. It will be so great!

I’m pretty sure that when it comes to the choice between cocaine and chocolate my mom would advice me on cocaine, as i’m losing weight so brilliantly…

I’m so pleased, the satsfaction is huge:))

 

 

my stroke

From the fidget’s diary… how is it like to lie in bed day. and another one. and one after. and…

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lyingLately, I’ve read the article for carers advising them how to lay their loved ones/their patients in bed after brain stroke. I bet it’s very important and extremely useful article, but to tell the truth, I haven’t seen this advice implemented in hospitals. I have an impression that convenience of overworked carers is usually more important than putting the elbow in the right angle.

But! What do I know? Actually, my own stroke spared me and even the Times of severe, movement disability gave me some freedom. Don’t mistake it as an ability to walk, dance and run marathons, it wasn’t like that, but come on, conscious and tied to your bed is bad.

I will not tell you how sick person should lie in the hospital bed,  just can tell you how it feels like. Continue reading

my stroke

It’s first anniversary of my second stroke. I still haven’t made my peace with everything

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Two days ago I had my first rebirthday of my second stroke. Lil’ stroke – it was waaaay smaller than the first one. Lil’ stroke – it hasn’t destroyed every single thing, only slowed down the process of healing, and added some inconveniences.

The stroke that didn’t change my life completely, but showed me, that my life isn’t normal. But who cares: I will work out everything. At least I hope so:)

In some ways, this stroke changed every single thing, in others – nothing. For example, I have like 99% of certitude of the cause of my strokes. I’m not scared and I don’t feel anxiety caused by Uknown.

But I didn’t mean to write about it. I want to express my feeling about living with this shit. I will focus on emotions, which have been a wreck for past few weeks. Or months?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not unhappy. Ironically, I have a feeling that my depression problems got smaller after my strokes. This year I’ve had few pretty well months! Despite that, my emotions have been shaky. Like a swing, the hugest swing in my life. Minor things drive me crazy, mad, sad, or happy, ecstatic, loving… If you know what I mean. Continue reading

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Gallery of the faces: I called. It was marvelous!

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I have a friend who is a fellow strokie. I might have mentioned him before, but I’m no sure. He’s a young French guy who suffered the stroke in Poland.

His stroke caused a big number of problems, such as aphasia, troubles with moving, spasticity… But this guy is determined to get better and gradually improves his health. Moreover, he does good things to the disabled community. He even plans his own blog:)

When we speak on Skype, he seems to be like me. My first impression was like: if I didn’t know, i would have thought that he had stroke problem. Normal boy, maybe looks for English words bit longer than a normal, fluent speaker, but you know stereotypes about French people & English;) my small experience shows that in France it’s easier to find a Polish speaker than English speaker. Anyway;) Continue reading

rehabilitation spasticity

I will be honest: my left hand is in a pretty bad shape

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My left hand has been neglected these days.

I was a guest of a 3 days wedding and the whole trip took me 5 full days. You can imagine that I wasn’t exactly an example of regularity. Yes, I was exercising a bit, but without any tools (for example my beans).

To be honest, I also lost control on my spasticity. My hand is mainly very stiff and my fingers are pathologically straight.

I  am surprised how bad my hand works on a keyboard. Writing suddenly got waaaay more tiring than a few weeks ago.

My plan is simple. I’ve created new ‚minimal’ plan and I gong to stick to it like crazy.

I will admit: the state of my hand is a failure for me. A huge failure. That’s why I’m expecting improvement over next few weeks.

 

 

my stroke

I signed up for volunteer work. If I didn’t, solitude would kill me

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Sadder part of the text

Life goes as it goes. No point in asking „why me”, because there is no good answer for that. I don’t ask, but I try to ask. Actually, I still hope that it’s visible even in the times of trouble ;)) and when I complain.

The truth is I feel lonely. Not even for some kind of metaphorical-not defined feeling of distinctiveness or incomprehension. I feel lonely because I am lonely.

Life makes bad jokes. It’s just turned out, that most of my closest colleagues and friends, who are still present in my city, is going to fade away. In the next few weeks majority of people leaves Szczecin for different cities and countries. Even m beloved physiotherapist leaves me. Mrs. Madzia is going abroad.  Continue reading

my stroke

My first visit in the office for disabled

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lefthandLuckily, there are two or three benches outside.  Some of us are sitting, rest is treading water.

I’m  just in front of the office for disabled people. Sitting and watching people. Having a place to rest, I’m one of more fortunate. Everyone who came later isn’t that lucky. There is the small crowd, louder and more nervous every minute. People standing seem to be even more upset.

Suddenly, doors are opening and the fresh face rush towards them. „Excuse ma’am, we are all waiting!”, people are protesting. „Well, we all just want the forms!”

But yelling doesn’t seem to be finishing. The woman who succeeded in unleashing anger still wants to keep her sense of dignity. She yells a bit, insulting others. Insulting us on her way out. I’m sure that if she could, she would slam the door. To elevator.

I’m still sitting and I’m scared. Disabled in front of my face change, they come into and out the small cabinet. Some them by „taking the forms” really meant „taking the forms”. It’s my turn. I’m scared to death and become numb. Being unable to speak, I can only look and try to spell out words and feel like a hunted small animal. I regret not taking my mum. I really do. Continue reading

in my opinion stroke survivors

Just to remind you woman who took selfie during her stroke

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This video has been online for few years, but I’ve seen it just recently. Maybe someone else haven’t watched it:

You don’t need to listen to what she says to see her face dropping, understand that she is struggling with the hand. She talks about other things too. For example about feeling numb. Or about the fact, that she had been released from hospital just recently.

She recorded the video to show her doctors what was her problem before symptoms were gone. Quick reaction and taking the phone can seem bit funny, but it helped doctors to diagnose her with three TIAs. Without video they thought that she was feeling badly from being tired or something like that.

Stacey Yepes was driving home (i had TIA behind the wheel too). Now she says that she keeps receiving messages from friends and strangers, that this vid helped someone to recognize a stroke. Continue reading