Life goes as it goes. No point in asking „why me”, because there is no good answer for that. I don’t ask, but I try to ask. Actually, I still hope that it’s visible even in the times of trouble ;)) and when I complain.
The truth is I feel lonely. Not even for some kind of metaphorical-not defined feeling of distinctiveness or incomprehension. I feel lonely because I am lonely.
Life makes bad jokes. It’s just turned out, that most of my closest colleagues and friends, who are still present in my city, is going to fade away. In the next few weeks majority of people leaves Szczecin for different cities and countries. Even m beloved physiotherapist leaves me. Mrs. Madzia is going abroad.
My bit broken heart also doesn’t affect my thoughts in a positive way.
Don’t get me wrong. I wish each and every friend good luck on the way. I’d follow their example if I were healthy. But on the other hand, I feel devastated. I’m happy and unhappy at the same time.
But more than unhappy, I feel anxious. I’m scared. And I have an overwhelming sense of meaninglessness. I tried to fight it. And when I hear from my dad „don’t worry, you have us” i feel like punching him.
More happy part of the text
Finally, I figured out the way. I volunteered! I’ve read about a great place in Szczecin which needs volunteers for hours. FOR HOURS! I applied and was accepted.
They want help. And soon I’m going to be volunteer twice a week. There are only advantages of such thing.
The initiative is new and pretty cool. It’s about foosharing. People bring food that they cannot eat or don’t need, and people in need can come and take something for themselves.
For me, it’s simply beautiful. And I can list profits of joining just like that!
- shifts are very short. I will have them two times for two hours. Even I can manage this
- I will feel better helping others.
- I’ve already met three smiling people from this place and I will meet more. Both volunteers and people in need.
- I’ve heard that some of the people visiting are very talkative. I’m the one who listens. I’m also understanding. Actually, there is another thing to that: listening is much less tiring than talking. If you know what I mean.
- Despite I know that „the hope is a mother of stupid people” (polish saying. isn’t it smart?) I somehow regained a bit hope. And energy. I’m scared, but I want to do it.
None. I’m just happy about a small thing I planned and I try to reduce thinking about bad things. And manage my expectations and hopes. reducing the size of them can be the best thing I can do for myself.
Sometimes it works, sometimes is doesn’t. I’ve just taken a small step in a good direction. Keep fingers crossed!