my stroke

It’s first anniversary of my second stroke. I still haven’t made my peace with everything

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Two days ago I had my first rebirthday of my second stroke. Lil’ stroke – it was waaaay smaller than the first one. Lil’ stroke – it hasn’t destroyed every single thing, only slowed down the process of healing, and added some inconveniences.

The stroke that didn’t change my life completely, but showed me, that my life isn’t normal. But who cares: I will work out everything. At least I hope so:)

In some ways, this stroke changed every single thing, in others – nothing. For example, I have like 99% of certitude of the cause of my strokes. I’m not scared and I don’t feel anxiety caused by Uknown.

But I didn’t mean to write about it. I want to express my feeling about living with this shit. I will focus on emotions, which have been a wreck for past few weeks. Or months?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not unhappy. Ironically, I have a feeling that my depression problems got smaller after my strokes. This year I’ve had few pretty well months! Despite that, my emotions have been shaky. Like a swing, the hugest swing in my life. Minor things drive me crazy, mad, sad, or happy, ecstatic, loving… If you know what I mean. Continue reading

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What were you doing when your stroke happened?

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What were you doing when your brain stroke happened? I, myself, didn’t think about it much, but people keep asking me. And suddenly… I saw one topic on the Internet forum where strokies were sharing this information. I collected more, reminded myself stories from hospitals, and my readers. List surprised even me. It was diversified. And long. Now I am able to present thrilling collection which seems to scream „come on, it can happen anytime. Anywhere. To everyone”

let’s go then.

I had a stroke: Continue reading

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Gallery of the faces: I called. It was marvelous!

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I have a friend who is a fellow strokie. I might have mentioned him before, but I’m no sure. He’s a young French guy who suffered the stroke in Poland.

His stroke caused a big number of problems, such as aphasia, troubles with moving, spasticity… But this guy is determined to get better and gradually improves his health. Moreover, he does good things to the disabled community. He even plans his own blog:)

When we speak on Skype, he seems to be like me. My first impression was like: if I didn’t know, i would have thought that he had stroke problem. Normal boy, maybe looks for English words bit longer than a normal, fluent speaker, but you know stereotypes about French people & English;) my small experience shows that in France it’s easier to find a Polish speaker than English speaker. Anyway;) Continue reading

rehabilitation spasticity

I will be honest: my left hand is in a pretty bad shape

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My left hand has been neglected these days.

I was a guest of a 3 days wedding and the whole trip took me 5 full days. You can imagine that I wasn’t exactly an example of regularity. Yes, I was exercising a bit, but without any tools (for example my beans).

To be honest, I also lost control on my spasticity. My hand is mainly very stiff and my fingers are pathologically straight.

I  am surprised how bad my hand works on a keyboard. Writing suddenly got waaaay more tiring than a few weeks ago.

My plan is simple. I’ve created new ‚minimal’ plan and I gong to stick to it like crazy.

I will admit: the state of my hand is a failure for me. A huge failure. That’s why I’m expecting improvement over next few weeks.

 

 

my stroke

I signed up for volunteer work. If I didn’t, solitude would kill me

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Sadder part of the text

Life goes as it goes. No point in asking „why me”, because there is no good answer for that. I don’t ask, but I try to ask. Actually, I still hope that it’s visible even in the times of trouble ;)) and when I complain.

The truth is I feel lonely. Not even for some kind of metaphorical-not defined feeling of distinctiveness or incomprehension. I feel lonely because I am lonely.

Life makes bad jokes. It’s just turned out, that most of my closest colleagues and friends, who are still present in my city, is going to fade away. In the next few weeks majority of people leaves Szczecin for different cities and countries. Even m beloved physiotherapist leaves me. Mrs. Madzia is going abroad.  Continue reading

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I thought we ruled it out, but… It’s lupus.

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I’ not sure whether I should laugh or cry. I have, finally confirmed, lupus. On my Polish blog, I had some texts about lupus. Why it could be the cause of stroke, or why I suspected I had one. Also why we ruled it out.

Now I’m left with my English site and I have to be bit straightforward: I have a very mild lupus. Bad news in bad time, but usually no one asks you when you want to receive such news.

WHY SHOULD I BE HAPPY WITH THIS DIAGNOSIS?

  • it’s a skin type. I don’t have to worry about kidneys, and eventually most of the organs, shutting down. Just about skin. Yay!
  • the treatment doesn’t involve steroids, but antimalarial meds. At least at the moment.
  • it’s been in me for years. A real pain in the ass. Now I have a chance to improve some things in my health.
  • I’ve not been that sure whether the kind of lupus causes strokes. But if so, treatment must help to prevent next strokes. Yay!
  • Because I’m having like very very very minor symptoms. Lupus is there, but it doesn’t bring any threat I wouldn’t know about.
  • I don’t have to search for the causes of allergy for the sun, rashes, hair falling out, swollen lips… I have it in one diagnosis!

Continue reading

my stroke

My first visit in the office for disabled

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lefthandLuckily, there are two or three benches outside.  Some of us are sitting, rest is treading water.

I’m  just in front of the office for disabled people. Sitting and watching people. Having a place to rest, I’m one of more fortunate. Everyone who came later isn’t that lucky. There is the small crowd, louder and more nervous every minute. People standing seem to be even more upset.

Suddenly, doors are opening and the fresh face rush towards them. „Excuse ma’am, we are all waiting!”, people are protesting. „Well, we all just want the forms!”

But yelling doesn’t seem to be finishing. The woman who succeeded in unleashing anger still wants to keep her sense of dignity. She yells a bit, insulting others. Insulting us on her way out. I’m sure that if she could, she would slam the door. To elevator.

I’m still sitting and I’m scared. Disabled in front of my face change, they come into and out the small cabinet. Some them by „taking the forms” really meant „taking the forms”. It’s my turn. I’m scared to death and become numb. Being unable to speak, I can only look and try to spell out words and feel like a hunted small animal. I regret not taking my mum. I really do. Continue reading

my stroke stroke survivors Uncategorized

Happy Easter!

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Easter is coming. I want to wish you everything which is good, but that later. If i tell you now, you will not read the important part (( ;

Lately I’ve been spending hours a day talking to one guy;)  Sometimes it even sounds feels like a confession – well, since i don’t go to the church, maybe it’s needed. I talk about problems that I’ve been discussing here for past two years too.

Of course I’m being cautious, why deter someone right away, but still. Strokes, spasticity, hormones, epilepsy, Rheumatology issues, many things in general. Shortages in abilities too.

And after confessing all of it i hear what? ‚It’s ok, you are more than that’.

At first I was left in deep shock. Because 99 percent of reactions are entirely different.

It’s so rare to hear something like that from person who isn’t that involved into your problems for, at least months.

Typical reactions are rather like this: Continue reading

my stroke

The cause of my strokes is found! Carotid artery dissection. So happy!

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Another 4 days in hospital and… The cause of my stroke is found. Carotid artery dissection. Hooray!

As you may know, I’ve had millions of checkups of millions of things, I’ve been visiting doctors patiently for the past two years and increased my actions in this field after second stroke. And finally! FINALLY! Some doctors decided to send me to angiography.

And angiography showed a problem. It was conducted by brilliant specialist in the best Polish hospital (I have to thank my friends and my luck here)… But I didn’t expect much. Really I didn’t. I had just slight evidence that this procedure is needed.

My first angio CT scan didn’t small aneurysm or something like that. Something to be controlled, not to be removed.

Now we know that the problem has been bigger. Continue reading